Home Study

Okay, back to the application process!  

After being given the go ahead to schedule a home study, work really began.  We had to have our massive Home Study Self Report (consisting of about 18 pages of typed answers to questions about our personality, health, education, employment history, religion, family history, relationships, home and community, and motivation to adopt) completed so that we could give it to the social worker during our home study. 

We were super nervous about this part of the process probably because of how personal things had become.  No longer were we sending off papers in the mail, now we were exposing our pasts, our home, and our future goals to a stranger.  A stranger who had a fair amount of say in how our adoption dreams played out.

Now, luckily, there is another family in our church who is a few months ahead of us in this process.  That adoptive mom and I were able to get together once and talk about how the home study would go.  This was a huge deal for us because she calmed a lot of our (my) fears about what would actually take place when the worker was at our home.  The worker wouldn't be opening closet doors, kitchen cupboards, looking for child proofing, or anything like that.  So, while I did want my home to be clean and organized, I didn't have to have it perfect!  That was important, because I did feel a little overwhelmed at that point with trying to have everything prepared well.  The other thing that this mom told me was that the worker won't think it is a bad thing for there to be a little bit of 'kid mess' here and there, besides, you do live in the house and raise a child there!   

The first home study meeting took place on a Sunday afternoon.  The worker arrived and was very chatty and had a sense of humour, so we knew right away that it would probably be easy to keep the conversation going.  We pretty much went straight to our kitchen table and did the rest of the meeting there.  

I thought that since we had covered so much ground with our home study self report that we would talk about other things with this worker.  Nope.  She basically asked us all of the same questions that were in the report.  I must say that it was easier to write those answers than say them when you are nervous.  When writing you can think for a bit and then even revise it later. Here, you had to be quick to answer and hope not to jumble your words or say something that you didn't really intend.  

While it was good to be answering questions that we had already written answers to, it was tough to talk about some of the topics.  Nothing in your past, present, or future was off limits.  I do feel that it is very important for the worker to get the best sense of who you are as people, what your struggles have been, how you parent or hope to parent, and what you hope for your future family.  So, even though some things were hard to discuss, we understand the process and were happy to get through this part.  Don't get me wrong, a lot of the discussion topics were super easy to chat about as well :)

One thing that we weren't all that prepared for was taking a test/survey about ourselves, families, past, and relationships.  It was one of those tests were you had to answer questions about your spouse and they had to answer those same questions about themselves.... and they needed to match :)  I think we did okay.  

We were a little worried about the part in the interview when the worker would ask our son questions!  What would he say?  Would he talk to her at all?  He was barely three at the time so just a little on the unpredictable side!  Anyways, he did well.  I don't remember what she asked him, maybe what he likes to do with his mom and dad or something like that.  He wouldn't say much to her, but he did say that he wants to teach his new brother or sister how to drive.

Once about two hours had gone by the interview was over and the worker took a short tour of the house.  She didn't even open all of the doors, so I had done a lot of extra cleaning!  But, could you imagine taking the chance and not making your home look as welcoming as possible?  No.  We felt good when she left.  Nothing had been too hard.  We hadn't said anything incredibly stupid.  

Did you think we were done?  Nope, not yet.  After a few weeks we had to meet up with this worker again for one on one interviews.  On her turf this time.  We thought that the first home study interview was personal.  This next one went to the next level.  I definitely can't say that the worker doesn't do her job to screen out the people that maybe shouldn't adopt.  She knows more about the two of us than anyone else out there!  And we passed!

It took a couple of weeks of waiting before I sent an email to the worker to see how she was doing on writing up our report.  She hadn't really started, but the email did get her going.  After a couple of revisions, which we had a say in, our report was complete about a month after we met the worker.  

It wasn't long after that that we received our approval letter.  That was such a good feeling!  Those four months of applications, forms, and meetings were stressful and hard work at times.  But, once you get approved it is pretty easy to forget all of that and just look forward!  That was January, 2014.  Now we are in September, 2014, and while the wait is long, and only going to get longer, we are hopeful and ready.  

God knows what the future holds and we rest in that.  We pray for patience and for the health and safety of the child who will someday be ours.  

Now is the fun part.  In my next post I will share a sneak peak at our adoption profile book!  



  

Initial Consultation with the agency

I must say that one of the most nerve-wracking meetings was the initial consultation we had with one of the social workers from the CAS agency.  This meeting was done after we completed the application, but before we had the home study.  

The setting?  Small neighbourhood coffee shop in Edmonton sitting around a table near a fireplace.  Drinking lattes, of course.  Ben and I arrived early, trying to calm our jitters.

We knew that the meeting was meant as a way to determine if we were 'right' for the agency and if the agency was 'right' for us.  There are a few things that set this agency apart from other private agencies in the province, and those things needed to be discussed.

CAS has three requirements that applicants must comply with in order to move on to the home study part of the pre-adoption screening.  Openness, Christianity, and infertility.

Discussing our infertility is usually the first thing that I like to talk about with people I have never met and in a public setting.  Not.  Actually, once we got the ice broken with some introductions and small talk, there is really nowhere to go but to the nitty gritty! The reason we were there was to discuss these topics, so we might as well get down to it.  Something about the social worker, made it very easy once the conversation was going.  She needed to know that we for sure were unable to become pregnant on our own, were not continuing to try any other infertility treatments like IVF, and that we had grieved our losses.  We actually didn't know that we would have to talk about this, so emotionally it was a bit stressful for me.  We were definitely done with all other attempts at having children through reproductive technology, but to say that we have grieved our loss completely was a bit of a stretch.  The loss is still huge, and I don't think that it will ever be completely gone.  However, we did feel ready to wholeheartedly welcome an adopted child!  I think that our losses will always be with us, just like they are when someone experiences the loss of a child through miscarriage...healing can happen, but the memories and love and pain are still there.    

Christianity was the second requirement of CAS.  When birth parents go there to look for an adoptive family for their child, they are specifically choosing for their child to be raised by a Christian family.  They may be Christians themselves, or not, but see the benefits of their children being Christians.  Another reason that birthparents may chose Christian parents for their child is that they believe they will get a stronger commitment to an open relationship.

This brings us to the third requirement, openness.  Open adoptions are the norm nowadays.  It is required through CAS that we commit to having some form of visitation with the birth family (whoever wishes to be involved). The amount of visitation varies based on what the birth family and adoptive family agrees on.  This is also part of how they match us as well, depending on what we would like in terms of openness.  Part of the openness agreement will be sending pictures or letters telling about milestones and achievements.  Often visitation and the need send pictures will decrease as the years go by and the birth parents become more comfortable with the adoptive family.  

We admit that openness seemed like a difficult thing to commit too.  I know it is selfish, but somehow the idea of going home with your baby and never looking back is more appealing.  However, once we were able to do some reading (before the consultation) and listen to the social worker talk about the many benefits of openness we know that it is absolutely the better option for all families involved!  Knowing who their birth parents (or at least their birth mother) is, greatly reduces the unknowns for the adopted child.  It is also encouraged that we, as adoptive parents, tell our child their story (with only age appropriate details) from the time that they are very young.  Adoption is not secret or shameful, it is done out of love and hope for the future!

Both Ben and I left the meeting feeling very encouraged! The social worker was so warm and she answered soooo many questions for us.  We had two hours of easy conversation and came out of there knowing so much more about adoption than we did going in. 

From there it was on to the bigger stuff like writing our home study self report and then getting the home study started!       

Filling out the Application

Overwhelming.  That is about the only word to describe the pile of paperwork needing to be completed when applying to an adoption agency.  However, like the meme suggests, there are just some things worth spending time on!

For our agency the necessary documents include:

-detailed application: covers all basic information about your family including financials 

-criminal record check

-request for intervention check (to see if the ministry of families has been involved in any situations...so, probably a good idea)

-medicals

-letter from employers confirming employment and salary

-statement of faith

-4 reference forms: 1 pastor, 1 coworker, 2 friends... people who have known you for more than 3 years

-a 12 page photo album of your family/life (more pictures than words)  This is your profile book that will be shown to the birthparents.  It doesn't need to be completed until your application is approved.

And finally, the dreaded...

-Home Assessment Self Report:  This document can be completed after sending in all of the aforementioned forms, but will take a while!  In this report, you are asked to answer just under 80 questions about yourself from topics like, personality, health, education, employment history, religion, family history, relationships, home and community, and motivation to adopt.  For Ben and I, this took us about 10-12 hours each.  Some of the questions require a short answer and others and couple of sentences.  We wrote our answers in paragraph form.  

This kind of questioning can at first feel somewhat intrusive, but the beauty of it is that it is actually meant to prepare you for the interview aspects of the application screening.  By getting us to answer all of these questions we had to do a lot of thinking about our lives, past and present.  We had to think about the strengths and weaknesses of our marriage, and the reasons that we were hoping to adopt.  It's one thing to think that we would be able to answer those questions in an interview, but getting the chance to hash things out in conversation and writing over a week or two is such a blessing!

The finished document says a lot about who we are as a family and was a great way for the ladies at the agency to get to a deep understanding of us in a short time.  

I think that I remembered all of the forms here!  Really, it took me about a month to have all of those things completed, not including the photo album.  The hardest parts are the ones that require getting someone else involved, like the medicals, references, employer letter and criminal record check.  That, and having enough quiet time to write 18 pages single-spaced for the Home Study Self Report!

In my next post I'll write about the meetings that we had with the ladies from the agency, including the Home Study, dun, dun, dun...

And the story begins part 2

The decision to adopt now had been an easy one.  We had considered it years earlier, before Logan, and said that we would probably revisit the idea later on.  We were so excited to get the process started!  We feel that being called to this amazing path will be such a blessing to us.  We are learning so much with every step that we take.  

When the time came for us to put some real adoption plans into place I started researching online.  We didn't know very much at this point about what agencies were out there, or which one we should choose.  I had known of families who had adopted or were currently adopting through Christian Adoption Services, so that was the first agency that I looked into.  There are two other private adoption agencies in Alberta as well, Adoption By Choice, and Adoption Options.  I made a few phone calls and ordered the application packages.  When speaking with the ladies at the agencies it became apparent that the statistics for how long families wait before they have a child placed is very similar among the agencies.  Usually, you are waiting two to three years.  Of course, there is a chance of a shorter wait period and a chance at a longer one.  With birthmothers choosing the family for their child, it doesn't go in the order of how long a family has waited.

In the end, we decided to go with Christian Adoption Services for a couple of reasons.  When I phoned, I was able to talk to someone who had been with the agency for 20 or more years.  She was knowledgeable and kind, and ready to answer my questions.  The cool thing was, I told her that I really didn't know what to ask, that I was trying to determine which agency we should apply with, but that I didn't even know where to start!  She then told me all of the basics, including what things I should weigh when making our choice.  One of biggest things that solidified our choice was that the agency is small.  We have a chance to KNOW the ladies who work there, and they KNOW who we are as well.  Since there are about 20-30 waiting families, we are not lost in a crowd.  I'm not sure how big Adoption by Choice is, but at Adoption Options, there were over 150 waiting families when I contacted them.  When I phone CAS (Christian Adoption Services) or send an email we get a quick reply from one of the ladies that we've met or already spoken with on the phone.  I know that it might sound like a small thing, but when going through something as emotionally charged and personal as an adoption application, home study, wait period, and actual adoption, I appreciate knowing who the small group of ladies are that we will be working with.  The other clincher for us, is their mandate.  Not only are they facilitating adoptions, they are doing it with the worldview of Christianity.  Their mission is to "demonstrate the love and compassion of Jesus Christ by placing children in permanent and loving families."  Sharing a faith in God really helped us to connect with CAS.

Don't get me wrong, I think that the other two agencies would have been excellent choices as well; we just had to go with the good feeling we got after speaking with CAS.

Once we had made our decision and got working on the application package, the feeling of urgency was pretty strong!  All of a sudden, knowing that the application and home study would take several months was a painful thought.  Why hadn't we started this earlier?

This is getting to be a pretty long post, so I will continue with the application process in my next post.