New Profile Book!!!

I've learned a few things since creating our first adoption profile book last October (2013). Before I made our first book, I had looked at a lot of other people's books and had some great ideas.  I spent hours and hours on the first book, redoing pages, changing pictures and rewriting pretty much everything.  I actually really like to final product!

However, since I made the book, a year has now gone by.  I have been inspired by many other profile books, and have read more about what should be included.  Our family has changed a lot in that time as well.  Our Logan is no longer a baby or even a toddler, so pictures of him in those much earlier stages are a little confusing.

After viewing a profile book at the spring training seminar and noticing that they had included the baby's nursery, I wanted badly to work on our nursery and include it in our next book.  I thought that for birth families it would be neat to be able to picture the room that their child would sleep in and play in.

I think this book is more modern than the first one, and has many more current pictures. I focused on replacing the pictures that were dark or a little grainy, and made sure that the book represents our family as it is now.  It is important that when you meet a birth parent, you look pretty much how you do in your album.  I also rewrote most of the written aspects of the book.  Since spending the last year reading about adoption and receiving some training, our views on adoption have evolved and I wanted our profile to accurately express how we see open adoption.  

So, here is the updated album (about 2/3 of it anyways)! 

Fall Adoption Training Seminar

It was so good to get together with other waiting and adoptive families for our training seminar this past weekend!  I would like to say that it was super fun, lively, and inspiring.  However, I think that the words emotional, draining, info-packed, and... I don't want to say it, but... discouraging, are a little more accurate.  

The emotions brought up by a good interview with a birth mom who placed her child just five months ago aren't necessarily a bad thing, but they do kinda add to the draining factor.  I can't seem to hold it together very well when I listen to a birth mom tell the story of how she came to the decision to relinquish her child.  

Listening to the birth mom explain how she chose the family for her child was interesting and will no doubt be helpful as I revamp our profile book this month!  After she described looking through a profile book of a couple who showed off all of their awesome travel photos, she said, "I am looking for a loving home for my baby, not a destination!"  Uh oh, better count how many vacation photos I put in our profile book.  Then she described the things about the family's profile that helped her to know that it was the right one for her.  In what they wrote, they had emphasized their love for the Lord and their focus on raising their children in a home with strong Christian values.  From everything I have read or heard so far, it really seems that the birth moms just know when they have found the right family.  We can't all write the same things, or the right things, or have the perfect set of family pictures that will be sure to get us chosen.  I have to continually remind myself that God has all of this down already.  He knows who will choose us (if indeed that is His plan), and nothing that I can do with our profile will change the outcome.  

I sure can't stop tinkering with that photo book online though, lol.  

The seminar was info-packed, to say the least.  Our topics this time centred around the time when you get the call, and what all occurs between then and the adoption finalization.   A lot.  That is what happens.  And, it is different every time.  No two adoptions go the same, and it appears that there is no real textbook scenario for how this all goes down.  When the baby is born, the birth mom will sign papers a day or two later.  Then, after the papers are signed, ten days need to pass before you are out of the woods.  Until midnight on the 10th day, the birth mom can change her mind.  This gives her a chance to continue to think through her decision.  Fortunately, a lot of counselling goes on before the birth in hopes that she will be quite certain ahead of time.  

We were given some advice about what to do during this time.  It was suggested that we ask if we can take some pictures of each person (maybe some of the birth mom and her family members) with the baby, and print them off to give to the birth mom before she leaves the hospital.  We were also advised to keep in touch with the birth mom throughout the 10 days and offer opportunities to visit, in order to reassure her that her child is safe and well.  We were also told that this will be the hardest 10 days of our life.  We will have a baby with us, but it won't be truly ours.  

I think that I may need to pray a bit during this time.  

After that the baby bliss begins!  Actually, I believe that is when the sleepless nights and spit-up on the sweater begins.

There was a lot more information talk, but I will spare you the details.  I think that it was the sheer amount of information that made it draining.  Like, when your brain has reached its max information uptake for the day, but there is still three hours left in the seminar.

So, the discouraging part.  I was so hoping to hear this weekend that a whole ton of adoptions had gone through since the last seminar, and that we are just cruising down the list of waiting families, soon to be shown to expectant parents.  Uh, no.  That is about the opposite of how things have gone the past six months at CAS.  Not only has there been only three adoptions completed this whole calendar year, but one adoption was revoked before the ten day period.  This stat is an anomaly for the agency as last year they placed 11 babies and the year before it was around nine or so.  Anyways, what this means for us, is that we are no closer to getting a placement.  While it does depend on the birth mom choosing us, we also have be close enough to the top of the list that our profile will be shown.

I have to keep all of this information in perspective though.  A fellow adoption blogger had this quote on one of her posts recently, and I really identify with it.  

All things are made beautiful in His time,  Ecclesiastes 3:11.  God needs us to wait.  So we will wait.  And we will pray for our birth mother, and for the baby we will eventually call son or daughter.

The Nursery!

What do you I do while we wait?  Well, I probably spend a little too much time thinking about and planning the nursery!  Who says you can't nest if you are waiting for an adoption placement?  Hubby, on the other hand, doesn't feel the need to get too much nursery stuff done and so, sad to say, half of my nursery is still an office :)   

There are a few different opinions out there about when the right time is to get the baby's room ready and when to buy supplies:

1. Get it all ready as soon as you are approved to adopt and then close the door.

2.  Get it all ready as soon as you are approved to adopt and then go in and out of the room several times a day...sit in the chair...dream about baby....tweak the room a bit....think about what else you need to buy...etc...etc...etc...

3. Get it ready once you have been chosen by a birthmother (which sometimes happens at the time of birth, so you may have 2 months - no time at all). With this option it is possible that you will have to do the nursery while you have the baby already at home!  Yikes! 

4. Do only the bare minimum until the adoption is past the crucial 10 day period (adoptions can be revoked before the 10 days).  With this option you would buy diapers and other essentials only.

For us, we had to make a few compromises :)  Ben was thinking that if I put my heart into doing up the room and making a quilt for the baby, and then we never got chosen or it took a long time (2-3 years), that it would be too hard on us (especially me, lol). We would eventually have to take it all apart and sell everything.  While that possibility is quite real, I still really wanted to get everything ready once we were approved!  I couldn't see myself feeling ready unless I physically had the room done!  

And, I just really wanted to do it :)

So..... here is the progress:

The first move I made in doing up this room was to choose some cool fabrics for the baby's quilt!
Making quilts is one of my favourite things to do, and sewing this one for the baby was very special to me.  I chose
a pinwheel pattern because I think it is just so classic and cutesy.

You may not notice, but I still need to sew the outer binding onto this quilt :)

This is a bird mobile that I sewed before Logan was born.  I did a gender neutral nursery
 that time too, so it was easy to work it into this room. 

This is a vintage applique quilt that my mom made sometime in the 70's.  Each square has a different
adorable picture and I just love it!

These little cowboy boots were handed down to us by Ben's nieces :)  They have now
been worn by 3 little ones.

So, as you can see, Ben let me go for it in there ;)  I avoided taking pictures of the other side of the room that has the office desk and printer, lol.  That side will be the future home of the change table/dresser. I know that this room will slowly evolve as we wait and as I get new ideas.  Somewhere in there I would like to add some artwork with the text, "you are so loved."   

Our 'Dear Expectant Parent' letter

One of the things that needed to be written is our 'dear expectant parent' letter.  This is a letter that gets included with our profile book, and is read by birthmothers when they are trying to chose a family.  Some of these things are written in our profile book as well.  

This was a tough letter to write, knowing that it may only get read if someone has already connected with our pictures, or that it might get scanned over quickly along with several other letters.  I wanted it to be clear and easy to read... a quick snapshot of us and how we view adoption. 

I may revise it as time goes on and as I think more and more about what I would want to say to a birth mother and what I would want her (and her partner/family) to know about us.  We are also attending an adoption training seminar in October, and I bet I will revise it tonnes after that too!  It is a bit of a work in progress.

I included our letter here:

"Welcome!

We are Ben and Ali, and we thank you so much for taking the time to look at our profile to learn more about us.  We are grateful that you have chosen to consider adoption and commend you for your courage and strength to choose life for your child.  We share in your desire to make the best decision for you and for your child.  We pray that God will give you the strength and peace you need on the road ahead of you.                

                                             

Please me us introduce ourselves.  Ben and I grew up in northern BC.  We met in 1999 and married in 2003.  While we dated, I completed my elementary teaching degree and Ben completed his power engineering.  We knew from the start that I was medically unable to carry a baby and that we would need to be patient and trust God's plan for our family to unfold.  It has been quite a journey through infertility and longing to have a family, but the Lord has been faithful and we are so blessed.  He gave us many years together as a couple to build our marriage and help us grow into the people we are now.

  

  We have one son named Logan, born in 2010, who was carried for us by a friend as a surrogate mother. This was such an incredible gift to us!  We are not pursuing having any other children this way and are excited to expand our family through adoption!  We are a happy and loving family with strong family values and a foundation in God's word.  We can offer your child all the love and nurturing of a dedicated and established family.  We have completed our home study and are approved to adopt in Alberta.

As a family we love to bike ride, camp, go to parks, eat ice cream, go boating, go fishing, attend Bible study, go to Church on Sundays, go skating, play ice hockey, go swimming, read books, play lego, have BBQs, and travel!  We have brought Logan to swimming lessons, gymnastics for toddlers, library programs, preschool, and skating lessons.  While we do keep busy, I am a stay at home mom, so we have lots of down time together at home as well.  

We feel so blessed to be able to pursue adoption as a means of creating our family.  We know that this is a call from God and we are willing and ready and very excited to bring another child into our family.  If we have the honour of parenting your child we promise to provide a loving and secure home where God is the centre of all we do.

We have every intention of keeping in contact with our adopted child's birth family if they choose, and if it is a safe situation for everyone involved.  We would like our adopted child to know who his/her birth relatives are and that they have so many people who love them and care about them.  We want them to know their story...of how they were loved very much before they came to live with us and the hard decisions that were made by their birth parents in order for them to become part of our family.  We would like to make a workable plan with our child's birth family for things such as photos, emails, phone calls, and visits (depending on circumstances).  We believe open adoption is a healthy option for both baby and birth parents, to help in the healing process.

Humbled by the weight of your decision, we hope that we can help you fulfil your desire to find a loving family for your child.  If you feel our family is the right one for your child, we would be honoured to welcome your child into our home.  We are excited and ready to begin this journey with you.  May you find strength and peace through this time in your life, and may God bless you for the amazing courage you have!  

-Ben and Ali "