Once we made it home to my parent's place with baby Luke, the dreaded 10 day waiting period would begin. During this period it was possible for the birth mother or birth father to revoke the adoption. They had up until midnight on the 10th day to do this.
You might think that this would be extremely stressful, not knowing if the baby you are loving and caring for, and spending sleepless nights for, is going to be yours forever. But actually, it wasn't too bad. I had wondered ahead of time if I would feel a strong bond to an adopted child during the 10 day wait, or if I would feel like he wasn't really mine, or like I couldn't fully commit until I knew for sure. Thankfully, I can say that for both Ben and I, our love for Luke came almost immediately. The doubt was there too, but it was small.
There is something about being 100% depended upon for everything, and giving constant care that creates a strong relationship very quickly. I know that for those who are adopting toddlers or older children this might not be as instant.
God also stepped in with this 10 day wait and provided us with the sweetest, most mildly mannered little guy. Luke is so low key and calm, and this made him soooooo easy to love. And I am so proud to say that we loved him almost right away. It was easy to see it in my husband's eyes, and in Logan's too. Logan was incredibly happy to have Luke as his brother and was eager to hold him and help feed him.
So, the not knowing. That is what may have made the 10 day wait unbearable. However, we actually felt like we did know. You can never be 100% sure until midnight on the 10th day, but based on some things that were said when we were at the hospital with the family, we knew that there was no plan for this precious baby to go home with his birth parents. As the 10 days went along I kept up correspondence with Luke's birth mother and went over everyone's expectations for the adoption. We planned visitation and pictures and updates for the grandmothers. While our birth mother did want to get some things figured out, she was consistently saying how happy she was with us as Luke's parents.
We would like to keep our birth mother's story private, as this would be beneficial for her and Luke in the long run. All I will say, however, is this: there are some very good reasons why the best decision for your baby could be to place him for adoption. As much as we would like to think that surely there should be a way for a birth mother to make it work (which more that one person said to me during our first weeks with Luke), some times there is not. The decision for adoption completely puts the child first. Knowing what she knew about her own life and the life of the baby's birth father, Luke's birth mother made the best choice she could for the future of her child, and we are so fortunate to be given the opportunity to raise him.
It is humbling to accept the things that our birth mother feels about us, but we are going to try our whole lives to live up to her view of who we are! She felt that she could not have dreamed up a better family for her son. Unbelievable.
Never once did she waver. She shared her sorrows and I wept with her. She struggled through the pain of engorged breasts and recovering from Luke's birth. Never has something so joyful for us been full of so much sorrow for someone else. She told me about her plans to start work soon, and her thoughts on school in the fall. She was resolute in her belief that the best place for Luke was with our family. We are so honoured.
By the seventh day we were feeling so strongly that nothing was going to change that we decided to head home and spend the last few days sleeping in our own beds! We had to cocoon in our house because we hadn't told the world about Luke yet! We had wanted to avoid having told the universe about our new son and then having to take it all back and announce that the adoption had been revoked. So, though many of of friends and family were very surprised, we announced Luke's arrival on the morning 11.
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| our announcement...typo and all, lol. |
