Merry Christmas!

I wasn't expecting to write a blog post on Christmas Day, but there is a short lull in the activity this afternoon.  Merry Christmas to all of our friends and family!

Big News?  Nope.
Sorry, there hasn't been any exciting adoption news as of late, but things have been very quiet.  We are getting a lot of practice in waiting on the Lord and trusting in his perfect timing for our family.  

Workin' Girl (one or two days per week)
I decided this Fall that I had better dip my feet into teaching again for a while.  I have started substituting with the public school district and the Catholic school district.  I have only had two days of work so far, and apparently, it can only get better from here.  They were two tough days, one taught without a sub plan.  My thought on returning to work was that I should teach again before we get a placement so that I don't totally lose touch with the profession.  I plan to be at home with our children, so once we get a placement I will be home for another 4-5 years at least.  I am hoping to really enjoy the subbing!

Christmas Fun
It has been a great Christmas season with lots of activity going on.   We've hosted our community group for a Christmas party, been skating on Cold Lake, had appetizers with our awesome neighbours, sang carols at our church Christmas Eve service, and are soon expecting friends to come over for appetizers and games with the kids!  We've opened our gifts to each other and feel incredibly blessed and spoiled. 

I really feel loved by my husband after receiving so many thoughtful gifts from him this year. He topped it off with a very special gift in my stocking: ANTI-CELLULITE body wash! Bahahahahaha! He swears that he didn't notice the anti-cellulite part written in huge letters on the top of the box.  Sure.  Not subtle, Ben.  Lol.

Just think of the cellulite you can dissolve with all 20 uses of this body wash filled sponge scrubber! 

We're heading to my mom and dad's place for Christmas celebrations with my extended family this weekend and I am guessing that less insulting gifts are in my future :)  I will be receiving the 'favourite things' of each of my sisters and mom, and they will all be given my 'favourite thing.'  This is a new gifting plan that we started last year and has been great so far!  I am guessing that anti-cellulite body wash won't be the favourite thing of any of those fine ladies.

Secretly, I can't wait to use it.  It sounds easier than exercising and dieting, haha.

Thank you
I also wanted to say thank you to a couple of dear friends who donated something towards our adoption agency silent auction fundraiser happening in March!  It really helps Ben and I to feel supported in this adoption endeavour and we are so grateful!

Merry Christmas, everyone!  We wish you the Lord's richest blessings in 2015!

Want to Help?

Recently, I joined a committee that is putting on a fundraiser for our adoption agency, Christian Adoption Services.  Why would our agency need a fundraiser, isn't it government funded?  Well, actually, our agency is a non-profit organization.  The costs of their programs/adoptions are covered by fees charged to adoptive families, fundraising, and donations.

The agency provides pre-adoption counselling to expectant mothers, often having several meetings over many months.  The social workers at the agency spend a lot of time helping to facilitate relationship building between expectant families and adoptive families, and they continue with counselling for birth mothers after placement.  

CAS is a registered charity.  Financial donations allow them to keep their costs to adoptive families as low as possible.  Donations also allow CAS to run extra programs such as training seminars, support groups, and special events.  Ben and I have already taken part in two training seminars and a dinner for adoptive families.

While less expensive than adopting internationally (mostly because of the additional travel), the cost of adopting domestically is quite a significant expense for most families.  The costs will be different in each case depending on the amount of counselling necessary, distances traveled, and accommodations, etc., but will range between 12,000 and 15,000 or so by the time the adoption is finalized.  This high cost makes adoption out of reach or financially straining for many families.  After spending a day last month at an adoption training seminar with other waiting families from CAS, the idea of helping with this fundraiser became more important and personal to me.  We met a family who had recently adopted twice.  When asked about how they came up with the funding (I was a little surprised when someone asked them that!), they said that they had taken out a line of credit on their home and borrowed from an uncle!  Another couple we spoke to had held fundraisers within their church.  Point is, people don't have this kind of money just sitting around.  If there is any chance that I can be a part of making adoption more affordable for families, I want to be a part of it! 

Check out the link below to see how the costs break down for adoptive families (there are no costs to birth families):
domestic adoption fees

So, the fundraiser!!!  

It is going to be a silent auction and will be held in Calgary in March 2015.  If any of my readers are from Calgary, you should go (info to follow in the new year)!  The reality for me is that we don't live close enough to Calgary to make it to the auction.  What we are planning to do for our contribution to the fundraiser is to collect as many item donations as possible.

If any of you feel called to help us raise money for the agency (and in turn help keep costs down for adoptive families), please consider donating something!  I think that gift cards for popular restaurants, clothing stores, grocery stores, itunes, or other stores would be easy to send and would garner lots of bids.  Or, if you have a home based business or crafting ability, donations of those items would be much appreciated as well!

Here is a peek at what I made for the auction.  I went through my fabric stash and made a few minky blankets.  I'm guessing that there will be a few expectant parents or grandparents at this auction :)

In James 1 verse 27, the Lord calls us to look after the needs of the widows and the orphans.  This act of caring for orphans looks different for all of us, but the call remains the same.  Some are meant to adopt, others are meant to foster, others are meant to sponsor children.  Are you able to help?  Throw something extra in with your Christmas shopping?

Please contact me if you would like to contribute.  Or, if you already have my address, send me your item by mail.  Thank you in advance to all who help!  Your support will help bring children home to their forever families.  We are so thankful for CAS and are excited to see how God will bless them through this event!  

I plan to give anything collected to the agency for the auction by January sometime.

             -Ali

New Profile Book!!!

I've learned a few things since creating our first adoption profile book last October (2013). Before I made our first book, I had looked at a lot of other people's books and had some great ideas.  I spent hours and hours on the first book, redoing pages, changing pictures and rewriting pretty much everything.  I actually really like to final product!

However, since I made the book, a year has now gone by.  I have been inspired by many other profile books, and have read more about what should be included.  Our family has changed a lot in that time as well.  Our Logan is no longer a baby or even a toddler, so pictures of him in those much earlier stages are a little confusing.

After viewing a profile book at the spring training seminar and noticing that they had included the baby's nursery, I wanted badly to work on our nursery and include it in our next book.  I thought that for birth families it would be neat to be able to picture the room that their child would sleep in and play in.

I think this book is more modern than the first one, and has many more current pictures. I focused on replacing the pictures that were dark or a little grainy, and made sure that the book represents our family as it is now.  It is important that when you meet a birth parent, you look pretty much how you do in your album.  I also rewrote most of the written aspects of the book.  Since spending the last year reading about adoption and receiving some training, our views on adoption have evolved and I wanted our profile to accurately express how we see open adoption.  

So, here is the updated album (about 2/3 of it anyways)! 

while we wait...

A funny thing happens when you are presented with the idea that you may be bringing home a baby (or two) in a couple days.  For about five days we weren't sure if we would get chosen as adoptive parents for two babies that had just been born, and wow did that ever bring to light all of the many things that I had planned/hoped to get finished.  Those things that only really happen when you are under the gun and just have too.... like painting the three or four rooms in the house that we have never painted (and we have lived here for four years)... making a quilt for our master bedroom... getting caught up on photo albums... doing a couple of small scale renos like door handles and a bathroom refresh... Yeah.  And the list is longer than that too.   

Overall, what I realized it that I better keep up with life so that when our adoption opportunity does come, we will be at least sort of ready!  And by sort of ready, I mean, not totally bogged down with to dos.  Who is ever completely ready for an adoption anyways?

So, with the possible adoption opportunity ending last week, I kicked into gear.  I managed to paint our upstairs hallway, which happens to have a measly six doors and two closets...yup, ridiculous amount of cutting in.

Yes, this is one of the most exciting pictures I have taken, lol.  The walls used to be a brown/peach colour.

I also ordered up some material for a master bedroom quilt.  The colours are blue, orange and white, so I had better get painting the forest green bedroom soon as well.  The quilt will be in a triangle pattern.  I wanted to choose something simple that I could make in just a few days so that it doesn't end up taking over my fall/winter.  These are some of the fabrics in the set I ordered!

Here is a sample my 2012 family photo book!!!  This was a project that I started last winter, so finishing it this week felt really good.  I may now get going on 2013 as well.  

Also, we were given a new adoption book to read when we were at our seminar earlier this month, The Open Adoption Experience, by Lois Ruskai Melina and Sharon Kaplan Roszia.  I have read a few chapters so far and I think that it may take me a while to read. It is so full of information and adoption stories that just a few pages gives you enough to think about for a few days.

I don't know if people ever really feel caught up with life, but I figured I should try.  I have really been enjoying all of these projects and they have given me somewhere positive to focus some of my energy.  I don't always feel like we are waiting, and I think that is because we keep busy.  I think I have enough here to consume for free time for a few months :).

I pray that Ben and I can wait well.  I don't want to be sad or discouraged.  I want to be prepared and excited.  

First Time in the Stack

Well, after last week's post about the Fall Training Seminar, and the discouraging stats for the year at the agency (3 adoptions so far this year, compared to 11 last year), an opportunity to adopt came as a surprise to us a few days ago! 

An update email told us about an opportunity for an adoption and that we could all choose if we would like our profiles included. After considering the specific complications that came with this adoption and praying about it, we decided to say yes to having our profile shown to the couple.

We know that the Lord has a plan in place for our adoption, and we decided that by leaving our arms open, God would be able to move.  He would either cause the couple to select us or select someone else.  

It was our first experience having our book included in the stack of profile books given to the birth parents.  I must say it was hard to think about much else during the past week! Thankfully we were away for Thanksgiving weekend and a family wedding, so we had a lot of fun things going on to keep us busy.

Getting the email that told us we were not chosen was interesting.  It was a little bit sad, and yes, I shed a few tears, but we know that the little hunnies weren't meant to be ours. We are choosing to see the good.  A couple on our agency list has been blessed with an adoption (though they now need to get through some time of waiting for things to finalize), and we are bumped down the list one spot.  

Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart.  Psalms 27:14

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5,6

Whatever is true, pure, lovely, excellent, or praiseworthy, think on such things.  Philippians 4:8

For I know the One in whom I trust, and I know that He is able.  2 Timothy 1:12

The pain that you have been feeling cannot compare to the joy that is coming.  Romans 18:8

These scriptures can relate to our adoption experiences, and I am thankful that I have His word to lean on for reassurances.  It is easy to get discouraged when you know very little about the future for your family.  

Honestly though, most couples wait a long time for an adoption, often more than two years.  We are just at the beginning. 

All is well.

Fall Adoption Training Seminar

It was so good to get together with other waiting and adoptive families for our training seminar this past weekend!  I would like to say that it was super fun, lively, and inspiring.  However, I think that the words emotional, draining, info-packed, and... I don't want to say it, but... discouraging, are a little more accurate.  

The emotions brought up by a good interview with a birth mom who placed her child just five months ago aren't necessarily a bad thing, but they do kinda add to the draining factor.  I can't seem to hold it together very well when I listen to a birth mom tell the story of how she came to the decision to relinquish her child.  

Listening to the birth mom explain how she chose the family for her child was interesting and will no doubt be helpful as I revamp our profile book this month!  After she described looking through a profile book of a couple who showed off all of their awesome travel photos, she said, "I am looking for a loving home for my baby, not a destination!"  Uh oh, better count how many vacation photos I put in our profile book.  Then she described the things about the family's profile that helped her to know that it was the right one for her.  In what they wrote, they had emphasized their love for the Lord and their focus on raising their children in a home with strong Christian values.  From everything I have read or heard so far, it really seems that the birth moms just know when they have found the right family.  We can't all write the same things, or the right things, or have the perfect set of family pictures that will be sure to get us chosen.  I have to continually remind myself that God has all of this down already.  He knows who will choose us (if indeed that is His plan), and nothing that I can do with our profile will change the outcome.  

I sure can't stop tinkering with that photo book online though, lol.  

The seminar was info-packed, to say the least.  Our topics this time centred around the time when you get the call, and what all occurs between then and the adoption finalization.   A lot.  That is what happens.  And, it is different every time.  No two adoptions go the same, and it appears that there is no real textbook scenario for how this all goes down.  When the baby is born, the birth mom will sign papers a day or two later.  Then, after the papers are signed, ten days need to pass before you are out of the woods.  Until midnight on the 10th day, the birth mom can change her mind.  This gives her a chance to continue to think through her decision.  Fortunately, a lot of counselling goes on before the birth in hopes that she will be quite certain ahead of time.  

We were given some advice about what to do during this time.  It was suggested that we ask if we can take some pictures of each person (maybe some of the birth mom and her family members) with the baby, and print them off to give to the birth mom before she leaves the hospital.  We were also advised to keep in touch with the birth mom throughout the 10 days and offer opportunities to visit, in order to reassure her that her child is safe and well.  We were also told that this will be the hardest 10 days of our life.  We will have a baby with us, but it won't be truly ours.  

I think that I may need to pray a bit during this time.  

After that the baby bliss begins!  Actually, I believe that is when the sleepless nights and spit-up on the sweater begins.

There was a lot more information talk, but I will spare you the details.  I think that it was the sheer amount of information that made it draining.  Like, when your brain has reached its max information uptake for the day, but there is still three hours left in the seminar.

So, the discouraging part.  I was so hoping to hear this weekend that a whole ton of adoptions had gone through since the last seminar, and that we are just cruising down the list of waiting families, soon to be shown to expectant parents.  Uh, no.  That is about the opposite of how things have gone the past six months at CAS.  Not only has there been only three adoptions completed this whole calendar year, but one adoption was revoked before the ten day period.  This stat is an anomaly for the agency as last year they placed 11 babies and the year before it was around nine or so.  Anyways, what this means for us, is that we are no closer to getting a placement.  While it does depend on the birth mom choosing us, we also have be close enough to the top of the list that our profile will be shown.

I have to keep all of this information in perspective though.  A fellow adoption blogger had this quote on one of her posts recently, and I really identify with it.  

All things are made beautiful in His time,  Ecclesiastes 3:11.  God needs us to wait.  So we will wait.  And we will pray for our birth mother, and for the baby we will eventually call son or daughter.

The Nursery!

What do you I do while we wait?  Well, I probably spend a little too much time thinking about and planning the nursery!  Who says you can't nest if you are waiting for an adoption placement?  Hubby, on the other hand, doesn't feel the need to get too much nursery stuff done and so, sad to say, half of my nursery is still an office :)   

There are a few different opinions out there about when the right time is to get the baby's room ready and when to buy supplies:

1. Get it all ready as soon as you are approved to adopt and then close the door.

2.  Get it all ready as soon as you are approved to adopt and then go in and out of the room several times a day...sit in the chair...dream about baby....tweak the room a bit....think about what else you need to buy...etc...etc...etc...

3. Get it ready once you have been chosen by a birthmother (which sometimes happens at the time of birth, so you may have 2 months - no time at all). With this option it is possible that you will have to do the nursery while you have the baby already at home!  Yikes! 

4. Do only the bare minimum until the adoption is past the crucial 10 day period (adoptions can be revoked before the 10 days).  With this option you would buy diapers and other essentials only.

For us, we had to make a few compromises :)  Ben was thinking that if I put my heart into doing up the room and making a quilt for the baby, and then we never got chosen or it took a long time (2-3 years), that it would be too hard on us (especially me, lol). We would eventually have to take it all apart and sell everything.  While that possibility is quite real, I still really wanted to get everything ready once we were approved!  I couldn't see myself feeling ready unless I physically had the room done!  

And, I just really wanted to do it :)

So..... here is the progress:

The first move I made in doing up this room was to choose some cool fabrics for the baby's quilt!
Making quilts is one of my favourite things to do, and sewing this one for the baby was very special to me.  I chose
a pinwheel pattern because I think it is just so classic and cutesy.

You may not notice, but I still need to sew the outer binding onto this quilt :)

This is a bird mobile that I sewed before Logan was born.  I did a gender neutral nursery
 that time too, so it was easy to work it into this room. 

This is a vintage applique quilt that my mom made sometime in the 70's.  Each square has a different
adorable picture and I just love it!

These little cowboy boots were handed down to us by Ben's nieces :)  They have now
been worn by 3 little ones.

So, as you can see, Ben let me go for it in there ;)  I avoided taking pictures of the other side of the room that has the office desk and printer, lol.  That side will be the future home of the change table/dresser. I know that this room will slowly evolve as we wait and as I get new ideas.  Somewhere in there I would like to add some artwork with the text, "you are so loved."   

Spring Training Seminar

Back in April we were able to take part in session one of two required adoption training seminars led by CAS.  I had no idea just how valuable this training would be and we are glad that CAS offers this kind of training prior to making a placement.  While we have been reading up on adoption and what to expect, the more we get into the process, the more we realize we don't know!  

Both the spring and fall training seminars must be completed before our profile book will be shown to expectant mothers. 

The full day spring session covered topics like living with infertility, and open adoption relationships.This seminar was also a fantastic opportunity for us to meet 11 other couples that are currently waiting to adopt in Alberta (though a few were just in the checking-it-out stage) through CAS.  We sat at tables with other couples and shared our stories and hopes!  Being in a room with so many other infertile couples, all of whom have felt the pain of that loss, was really encouraging for us.  We were able to discuss how it is to live with so many fertile couples around us who either have children or are expecting.  The pain in the room was palpable.  Some couples had suffered miscarriages, others IVF failures, and others had been waiting many years and not been chosen.  Others had gone through failed adoption through foster care situations or had babies revoked before the adoption completion date. Ben and I couldn't help but feel a little extra thankful for our son.

We were able to look through some of the older profile books that families had with the agency.  This gave me a lot of ideas on how I can update our book latter this fall.  There was also a table of adoption related books and other resources that we could look through.

Later in the seminar we got to meet with an adoptive mom, dad, and their three year old son.  The little boy's birth dad and birth grandparents also came.  They shared a little bit of their story, and then let us ask them any questions we wanted to ask!   This was an awesome opportunity to see first hand how an open adoption relationship could potentially function.  I kept looking to see how the little boy interacted with his dad and with his birth dad.  I would say that his interactions with his birth dad were about equivalent to how you might expect an uncle and nephew to interact.  He was bringing his birth dad carrots from the food table, and talking with him a little bit.  With his dad, however, he was very close.  He was sitting on the floor near his feet and playing with toys, coming up onto his lap and cuddling, then going down to play again.  The physical and emotion bond appeared very strong!  

We concluded the afternoon by listening to and interviewing a birth mother who had placed her daughter roughly a year before.  That was a very eye opening experience!  There was not a dry eye in the room as she described what she all went through and how she made her decision to place.  She shared a lot about the ups and downs of her open relationship with the adoptive family.  Overall, I think we learned most about the things that we can do to make this better for the birth mom. Through communication and consistency, whether it be in regards to visitation or sending photos, we will need to be very clear about what her expectations are, and what our expectations are.  She really needed to feel like the lines of communication were open and dependable in order to feel at all comfortable as the months went on after the placement.  She had both Ben and I, and many others, in tears several times as she spoke about her emotional roller coaster after the placement.  Though I thought I had empathy for birth mothers before, I now have seen firsthand just how painful this process is for them and I know that I will have a lot of love and understanding for our birth mother.  Honestly, the thought of the sadness for her overwhelms me even as I write this.  

We are very excited to be attending the fall training seminar this October!  Here is the flyer:

CHRISTIAN  ADOPTION  SERVICES

AUTUMN ADOPTION WORKSHOP

Surviving the Real World of Open Adoption

 The “Nuts and Bolts” Session

You have been matched with a birthmother and have made it through that nerve-wracking first meeting. You receive the call that your birthmother has gone into labour.  What now? At this session we will walk you through the hospital process and the 10 days after the Consent is signed.  We will run through possible open adoption scenarios and we will discuss topics such as: “Will I feel like the child’s mother when the birth mother is visiting?”, “Am I the “real” mother/father?”, and “How legal is an open adoption?”  

Hear from a birthmother and from a family who have adopted through us.

Bring your own questions.

This is one part of a two-part required course for all of our domestic couples. 

If you’ve been waiting on the list a while, feel free to come again; this would be a great refresher!!

Call to register; there is no charge to couples already in our parent bank.  The cost is $250 if you are not yet on the waiting list and will be applied to your fees should you proceed to the parent bank. Lunch and refreshments will be provided. 

Phone Sandy at 403 256-3224 or toll free at 1 877 256-3224.

Sounds like it is going to be a great seminar!  Updates to follow :)

                                                                                  

Our 'Dear Expectant Parent' letter

One of the things that needed to be written is our 'dear expectant parent' letter.  This is a letter that gets included with our profile book, and is read by birthmothers when they are trying to chose a family.  Some of these things are written in our profile book as well.  

This was a tough letter to write, knowing that it may only get read if someone has already connected with our pictures, or that it might get scanned over quickly along with several other letters.  I wanted it to be clear and easy to read... a quick snapshot of us and how we view adoption. 

I may revise it as time goes on and as I think more and more about what I would want to say to a birth mother and what I would want her (and her partner/family) to know about us.  We are also attending an adoption training seminar in October, and I bet I will revise it tonnes after that too!  It is a bit of a work in progress.

I included our letter here:

"Welcome!

We are Ben and Ali, and we thank you so much for taking the time to look at our profile to learn more about us.  We are grateful that you have chosen to consider adoption and commend you for your courage and strength to choose life for your child.  We share in your desire to make the best decision for you and for your child.  We pray that God will give you the strength and peace you need on the road ahead of you.                

                                             

Please me us introduce ourselves.  Ben and I grew up in northern BC.  We met in 1999 and married in 2003.  While we dated, I completed my elementary teaching degree and Ben completed his power engineering.  We knew from the start that I was medically unable to carry a baby and that we would need to be patient and trust God's plan for our family to unfold.  It has been quite a journey through infertility and longing to have a family, but the Lord has been faithful and we are so blessed.  He gave us many years together as a couple to build our marriage and help us grow into the people we are now.

  

  We have one son named Logan, born in 2010, who was carried for us by a friend as a surrogate mother. This was such an incredible gift to us!  We are not pursuing having any other children this way and are excited to expand our family through adoption!  We are a happy and loving family with strong family values and a foundation in God's word.  We can offer your child all the love and nurturing of a dedicated and established family.  We have completed our home study and are approved to adopt in Alberta.

As a family we love to bike ride, camp, go to parks, eat ice cream, go boating, go fishing, attend Bible study, go to Church on Sundays, go skating, play ice hockey, go swimming, read books, play lego, have BBQs, and travel!  We have brought Logan to swimming lessons, gymnastics for toddlers, library programs, preschool, and skating lessons.  While we do keep busy, I am a stay at home mom, so we have lots of down time together at home as well.  

We feel so blessed to be able to pursue adoption as a means of creating our family.  We know that this is a call from God and we are willing and ready and very excited to bring another child into our family.  If we have the honour of parenting your child we promise to provide a loving and secure home where God is the centre of all we do.

We have every intention of keeping in contact with our adopted child's birth family if they choose, and if it is a safe situation for everyone involved.  We would like our adopted child to know who his/her birth relatives are and that they have so many people who love them and care about them.  We want them to know their story...of how they were loved very much before they came to live with us and the hard decisions that were made by their birth parents in order for them to become part of our family.  We would like to make a workable plan with our child's birth family for things such as photos, emails, phone calls, and visits (depending on circumstances).  We believe open adoption is a healthy option for both baby and birth parents, to help in the healing process.

Humbled by the weight of your decision, we hope that we can help you fulfil your desire to find a loving family for your child.  If you feel our family is the right one for your child, we would be honoured to welcome your child into our home.  We are excited and ready to begin this journey with you.  May you find strength and peace through this time in your life, and may God bless you for the amazing courage you have!  

-Ben and Ali "    

               

Home Study

Okay, back to the application process!  

After being given the go ahead to schedule a home study, work really began.  We had to have our massive Home Study Self Report (consisting of about 18 pages of typed answers to questions about our personality, health, education, employment history, religion, family history, relationships, home and community, and motivation to adopt) completed so that we could give it to the social worker during our home study. 

We were super nervous about this part of the process probably because of how personal things had become.  No longer were we sending off papers in the mail, now we were exposing our pasts, our home, and our future goals to a stranger.  A stranger who had a fair amount of say in how our adoption dreams played out.

Now, luckily, there is another family in our church who is a few months ahead of us in this process.  That adoptive mom and I were able to get together once and talk about how the home study would go.  This was a huge deal for us because she calmed a lot of our (my) fears about what would actually take place when the worker was at our home.  The worker wouldn't be opening closet doors, kitchen cupboards, looking for child proofing, or anything like that.  So, while I did want my home to be clean and organized, I didn't have to have it perfect!  That was important, because I did feel a little overwhelmed at that point with trying to have everything prepared well.  The other thing that this mom told me was that the worker won't think it is a bad thing for there to be a little bit of 'kid mess' here and there, besides, you do live in the house and raise a child there!   

The first home study meeting took place on a Sunday afternoon.  The worker arrived and was very chatty and had a sense of humour, so we knew right away that it would probably be easy to keep the conversation going.  We pretty much went straight to our kitchen table and did the rest of the meeting there.  

I thought that since we had covered so much ground with our home study self report that we would talk about other things with this worker.  Nope.  She basically asked us all of the same questions that were in the report.  I must say that it was easier to write those answers than say them when you are nervous.  When writing you can think for a bit and then even revise it later. Here, you had to be quick to answer and hope not to jumble your words or say something that you didn't really intend.  

While it was good to be answering questions that we had already written answers to, it was tough to talk about some of the topics.  Nothing in your past, present, or future was off limits.  I do feel that it is very important for the worker to get the best sense of who you are as people, what your struggles have been, how you parent or hope to parent, and what you hope for your future family.  So, even though some things were hard to discuss, we understand the process and were happy to get through this part.  Don't get me wrong, a lot of the discussion topics were super easy to chat about as well :)

One thing that we weren't all that prepared for was taking a test/survey about ourselves, families, past, and relationships.  It was one of those tests were you had to answer questions about your spouse and they had to answer those same questions about themselves.... and they needed to match :)  I think we did okay.  

We were a little worried about the part in the interview when the worker would ask our son questions!  What would he say?  Would he talk to her at all?  He was barely three at the time so just a little on the unpredictable side!  Anyways, he did well.  I don't remember what she asked him, maybe what he likes to do with his mom and dad or something like that.  He wouldn't say much to her, but he did say that he wants to teach his new brother or sister how to drive.

Once about two hours had gone by the interview was over and the worker took a short tour of the house.  She didn't even open all of the doors, so I had done a lot of extra cleaning!  But, could you imagine taking the chance and not making your home look as welcoming as possible?  No.  We felt good when she left.  Nothing had been too hard.  We hadn't said anything incredibly stupid.  

Did you think we were done?  Nope, not yet.  After a few weeks we had to meet up with this worker again for one on one interviews.  On her turf this time.  We thought that the first home study interview was personal.  This next one went to the next level.  I definitely can't say that the worker doesn't do her job to screen out the people that maybe shouldn't adopt.  She knows more about the two of us than anyone else out there!  And we passed!

It took a couple of weeks of waiting before I sent an email to the worker to see how she was doing on writing up our report.  She hadn't really started, but the email did get her going.  After a couple of revisions, which we had a say in, our report was complete about a month after we met the worker.  

It wasn't long after that that we received our approval letter.  That was such a good feeling!  Those four months of applications, forms, and meetings were stressful and hard work at times.  But, once you get approved it is pretty easy to forget all of that and just look forward!  That was January, 2014.  Now we are in September, 2014, and while the wait is long, and only going to get longer, we are hopeful and ready.  

God knows what the future holds and we rest in that.  We pray for patience and for the health and safety of the child who will someday be ours.  

Now is the fun part.  In my next post I will share a sneak peak at our adoption profile book!  



  

What a Priviledge

One thing that I never expected when starting this journey was to become a part of such an amazing adoption community!  I never knew that we would be getting emails outlining ways that we can be in prayer for other adoptive families, birth families, and children.  I have to say I have been moved to tears by these stories on several occasions.  So much emotion with adoption.  These are not little decisions being made, they are life changing for all involved. Being in the know on these scenarios has taught us so much about what adoption involves.  This is not for the faint at heart.  What a privilege to be able to join others in their joy and struggles as they experience all of this!  

Knowing that we are now a part of this prayer community also gives me some peace of mind in knowing that we will be lifted up in prayer when it is us who are in the midst of it all!  

This new window into the community of Christian adoption in Alberta brought with it the realities of the situations that are present around all adoptions:  
-the decisions a birthmother must make as she thinks about her uncertain future, whether or not she can bare to raise her child, whether or not she can bare to place her child 
-the unknown health of children being born out of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, homelessness or mental illness  
-the emotions of families chosen to parent a child only to have the child revoked before finalization  
-the broken hearts of the couples waiting years for their adoption dream to come true, only to never be chosen
-the precious little babies and children being neglected and suffering as birth parents work to cope with their troubled lives and family responsibilities
-birth mothers in agony as they say goodbye to their precious child
-adoptive families meeting birth families and going through days or weeks of courtship before decisions are made


So many people hoping to love a child...a longed for time in a family's life that brings so much joy!

So many people grieving the loss of children they will not parent...deep heartache that will be felt for years to come. 

One family's joy stemming from another family's sadness.

So many reasons to pray.

Initial Consultation with the agency

I must say that one of the most nerve-wracking meetings was the initial consultation we had with one of the social workers from the CAS agency.  This meeting was done after we completed the application, but before we had the home study.  

The setting?  Small neighbourhood coffee shop in Edmonton sitting around a table near a fireplace.  Drinking lattes, of course.  Ben and I arrived early, trying to calm our jitters.

We knew that the meeting was meant as a way to determine if we were 'right' for the agency and if the agency was 'right' for us.  There are a few things that set this agency apart from other private agencies in the province, and those things needed to be discussed.

CAS has three requirements that applicants must comply with in order to move on to the home study part of the pre-adoption screening.  Openness, Christianity, and infertility.

Discussing our infertility is usually the first thing that I like to talk about with people I have never met and in a public setting.  Not.  Actually, once we got the ice broken with some introductions and small talk, there is really nowhere to go but to the nitty gritty! The reason we were there was to discuss these topics, so we might as well get down to it.  Something about the social worker, made it very easy once the conversation was going.  She needed to know that we for sure were unable to become pregnant on our own, were not continuing to try any other infertility treatments like IVF, and that we had grieved our losses.  We actually didn't know that we would have to talk about this, so emotionally it was a bit stressful for me.  We were definitely done with all other attempts at having children through reproductive technology, but to say that we have grieved our loss completely was a bit of a stretch.  The loss is still huge, and I don't think that it will ever be completely gone.  However, we did feel ready to wholeheartedly welcome an adopted child!  I think that our losses will always be with us, just like they are when someone experiences the loss of a child through miscarriage...healing can happen, but the memories and love and pain are still there.    

Christianity was the second requirement of CAS.  When birth parents go there to look for an adoptive family for their child, they are specifically choosing for their child to be raised by a Christian family.  They may be Christians themselves, or not, but see the benefits of their children being Christians.  Another reason that birthparents may chose Christian parents for their child is that they believe they will get a stronger commitment to an open relationship.

This brings us to the third requirement, openness.  Open adoptions are the norm nowadays.  It is required through CAS that we commit to having some form of visitation with the birth family (whoever wishes to be involved). The amount of visitation varies based on what the birth family and adoptive family agrees on.  This is also part of how they match us as well, depending on what we would like in terms of openness.  Part of the openness agreement will be sending pictures or letters telling about milestones and achievements.  Often visitation and the need send pictures will decrease as the years go by and the birth parents become more comfortable with the adoptive family.  

We admit that openness seemed like a difficult thing to commit too.  I know it is selfish, but somehow the idea of going home with your baby and never looking back is more appealing.  However, once we were able to do some reading (before the consultation) and listen to the social worker talk about the many benefits of openness we know that it is absolutely the better option for all families involved!  Knowing who their birth parents (or at least their birth mother) is, greatly reduces the unknowns for the adopted child.  It is also encouraged that we, as adoptive parents, tell our child their story (with only age appropriate details) from the time that they are very young.  Adoption is not secret or shameful, it is done out of love and hope for the future!

Both Ben and I left the meeting feeling very encouraged! The social worker was so warm and she answered soooo many questions for us.  We had two hours of easy conversation and came out of there knowing so much more about adoption than we did going in. 

From there it was on to the bigger stuff like writing our home study self report and then getting the home study started!