After being given the go ahead to schedule a home study, work really began. We had to have our massive Home Study Self Report (consisting of about 18 pages of typed answers to questions about our personality, health, education, employment history, religion, family history, relationships, home and community, and motivation to adopt) completed so that we could give it to the social worker during our home study.
We were super nervous about this part of the process probably because of how personal things had become. No longer were we sending off papers in the mail, now we were exposing our pasts, our home, and our future goals to a stranger. A stranger who had a fair amount of say in how our adoption dreams played out.
Now, luckily, there is another family in our church who is a few months ahead of us in this process. That adoptive mom and I were able to get together once and talk about how the home study would go. This was a huge deal for us because she calmed a lot of our (my) fears about what would actually take place when the worker was at our home. The worker wouldn't be opening closet doors, kitchen cupboards, looking for child proofing, or anything like that. So, while I did want my home to be clean and organized, I didn't have to have it perfect! That was important, because I did feel a little overwhelmed at that point with trying to have everything prepared well. The other thing that this mom told me was that the worker won't think it is a bad thing for there to be a little bit of 'kid mess' here and there, besides, you do live in the house and raise a child there!
The first home study meeting took place on a Sunday afternoon. The worker arrived and was very chatty and had a sense of humour, so we knew right away that it would probably be easy to keep the conversation going. We pretty much went straight to our kitchen table and did the rest of the meeting there.
I thought that since we had covered so much ground with our home study self report that we would talk about other things with this worker. Nope. She basically asked us all of the same questions that were in the report. I must say that it was easier to write those answers than say them when you are nervous. When writing you can think for a bit and then even revise it later. Here, you had to be quick to answer and hope not to jumble your words or say something that you didn't really intend.
While it was good to be answering questions that we had already written answers to, it was tough to talk about some of the topics. Nothing in your past, present, or future was off limits. I do feel that it is very important for the worker to get the best sense of who you are as people, what your struggles have been, how you parent or hope to parent, and what you hope for your future family. So, even though some things were hard to discuss, we understand the process and were happy to get through this part. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the discussion topics were super easy to chat about as well :)
One thing that we weren't all that prepared for was taking a test/survey about ourselves, families, past, and relationships. It was one of those tests were you had to answer questions about your spouse and they had to answer those same questions about themselves.... and they needed to match :) I think we did okay.
We were a little worried about the part in the interview when the worker would ask our son questions! What would he say? Would he talk to her at all? He was barely three at the time so just a little on the unpredictable side! Anyways, he did well. I don't remember what she asked him, maybe what he likes to do with his mom and dad or something like that. He wouldn't say much to her, but he did say that he wants to teach his new brother or sister how to drive.
Once about two hours had gone by the interview was over and the worker took a short tour of the house. She didn't even open all of the doors, so I had done a lot of extra cleaning! But, could you imagine taking the chance and not making your home look as welcoming as possible? No. We felt good when she left. Nothing had been too hard. We hadn't said anything incredibly stupid.
Did you think we were done? Nope, not yet. After a few weeks we had to meet up with this worker again for one on one interviews. On her turf this time. We thought that the first home study interview was personal. This next one went to the next level. I definitely can't say that the worker doesn't do her job to screen out the people that maybe shouldn't adopt. She knows more about the two of us than anyone else out there! And we passed!
It took a couple of weeks of waiting before I sent an email to the worker to see how she was doing on writing up our report. She hadn't really started, but the email did get her going. After a couple of revisions, which we had a say in, our report was complete about a month after we met the worker.
It wasn't long after that that we received our approval letter. That was such a good feeling! Those four months of applications, forms, and meetings were stressful and hard work at times. But, once you get approved it is pretty easy to forget all of that and just look forward! That was January, 2014. Now we are in September, 2014, and while the wait is long, and only going to get longer, we are hopeful and ready.
God knows what the future holds and we rest in that. We pray for patience and for the health and safety of the child who will someday be ours.
Now is the fun part. In my next post I will share a sneak peak at our adoption profile book!
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